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It was a quiet spring evening after dinner, and I was at the kitchen sink while my husband was sitting at the table with a coffee. Our only child, a 13 year old boy, came in with something on his mind. After a little parental poking and prodding, he told us with trembling hands and tears in his eyes… he is gay. In that bittersweet, indelible family moment my parenting roadmap vanished. My initial reaction was fear. All the negative implications of living life as a gay man went racing through my mind. To me, my little boy had never seemed more vulnerable. As a mother, I had never felt as scared. I could see his dad struggling with the same feeling of helplessness.
We both feared the uphill battle for acceptance he would face for the rest of his life. We feared the world judging our son simply by his sexuality, and not for all of his incredible qualities. We knew we would have no control over classmates or future workmates from treating our son differently because he is a part of the LGBTQ+ community. To us, our son’s future looked uncertain.
Like most GenZ kids, my son turned to Social Media to announce and explore his brave new LGBTQ+ world. With absolutely no fear or uncertainty, and with some obvious relief, he announced his new life path and introduced his new Drag Queen Persona .
Like most GenX/Y parents we turned to the Internet for information, support groups, and to reach out to our gay friends. Ultimately I was searching for an answer to my unspoken question, really EVERY parent’s ultimate question; Is my child going to be OK?
What I found was that according to the latest Canada Census, every year more adolescents and young adults openly identify as a part of the LGBTQ+ community. This means that my son’s generation, known as GenZ or Centennials, are actively changing the ever-shifting parental landscape. There are more and more parents just like me, dealing with sexual orientation or identity when their child reaches puberty or sometimes sooner. Scientific facts and statistics were some comfort, but what I needed was someone who really understood.
I reached out to one of the few gay men in my personal and professional orbit, the Ottawa LGBTQ+ icon, Jesse Reynolds , of YukYuk’s and Jump! 106.9 fame. Jesse loaned me his understanding ear and an experienced perspective.
He patiently answered my questions. What Jesse also provided was a real life LGBTQ+ role model for my son, showing him that being gay is not a deficit, but a possible advantage. As days turned into weeks, a new normal began to emerge. Summer arrived and our family went to visit the Village in New York City, indulged in some delicious Big Gay Ice Cream. We also took in a show at the original Dinner Drag Club, Lucky Cheng’s, located in Hell’s Kitchen.
The veteran Drag Queens were thrilled to see a young Drag enthusiast with both his parents, all fully enjoying every minute of the show. Their obvious delight was truly touching and by the end of the evening I had heard almost every performer’s story about their own parents, and their journey through life as Drag Queens. Everyone I spoke with was keen to note that the world is a much kinder place for my son now than it was for them growing up, thanks largely to the efforts and popularity of RuPaul, and place’s just like Lucky Cheng’s that launched other visionaries like Bob the Drag Queen, and The Princess of Power Paulina.
Watching my son hobnob with the Special Guest of the evening, RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 9 contestant Kimora Blac , was truly a surreal experience. My husband left the club with lipstick marks all over his flushed face from a stunning Queen named Tiara Qistina. She had performed an incredible Whitney Houston lip sync performance, with my husband selected for the part of Kevin Costner. My son left wearing one of Princess Paulina’s wigs, make-up applied by Detoxx Busti-AE, hugs and kisses all around, and a smile from ear to ear.
A few weeks later we took a few hours while we were in Toronto, and swung by the Village at Church & Wellesley. Charming, inclusive, and varied, Toronto’s iconic village may be smaller than it’s American counterpart, but obviously still plays an important role in Canada’s LGBTQ+ identity. The summer wrapped up with our first ever Capital Pride Parade, at home in Ottawa. Once my son had finished his Drag Queen transformation, hair coiffed and outfit perfectly on point, we finally made it downtown, where the streets were packed and the parking lots were full. As I later learned, there were over 80,000 people in attendance for the celebration. It was inspiring to see so many people celebrating Pride, right on Bank St. It became very clear that we didn’t have to travel to New York and Toronto for our son to feel at home.
After my son came out as gay, his close friends from elementary school never missed a beat. They still came over for their usual pizza nights, gaming and typical 13-year-old nonsense. At his new high school he has gained new friends, both straight and gay, boys and girls. True to his repeated reassurances that times have changed, my son’s peer group is remarkably diverse. What used to only be revealed 20 years later at a high school reunion, is now a totally accepted norm. These children don’t have to hide.
We had been dreaming some big dreams since our summer adventures, but what came next was truly the perfect fit. Our newly adopted “Uncle Jesse” was let go from his position at Jump! 106.9, only two days after the Capital Pride Parade. That week I read comment after comment online, with stories that were almost identical to ours. Jesse isn’t just my son’s role model, he’s a role model for so many young gay men across Ottawa. This loss wasn’t just a blow to local radio, but the removal of Jesse Reynolds from the public eye had a real impact on families all across the city.
We were all determined to ensure that one of the city’s LGBTQ+ heroes, and our good friend, not be lost to the public. My son and I already knew we wanted to work together on a project in the LGBTQ+ space. My husband and I know tradeshow and event production. My business partner jumped on board immediately with her graphic design and web skills. With Jesse Reynolds as a co-owner, and the face of Queer Sphere, the investment of dedicated, experienced business partners and generous sponsors have quickly followed. Together, we have created a platform to celebrate the dawning of a new, inclusive LGBTQ+ generation; The Queer Sphere Expo.
Our thought is we can’t always go to New York and Toronto, San Francisco, Barcelona or Berlin, so we’ll bring the best parts of their LGBTQ+ culture here to Ottawa. Our goal is to create an Expo experience unlike any other. With two days and one night of inclusive shopping, food, fashion, prizes, pageants, DJs, dancing, drinks and celebrity appearances, this is set to be the perfect tribute to kick-off Global Pride Month.
In the past year I have challenged my own beliefs. It has been an incredible journey to understand what acceptance really means. I have met some truly wonderful people. I gained an entirely new appreciation for the strength and bravery required for my son to come out, and to live as an LGBTQ+ person. I have swung from fear to excitement and from worry to wonder. Now to my husband and I, our son’s future looks bright … with a bit of glitter!